I haven’t written a blog for a while here’s why, I feel lost, well more accurately I’ve lost my way.
I had one of those weeks last week where I felt let down and blocked at any progress I was trying to make. So I come to a full stop. How do I proceed and where the hell am I going?
As a child I would get lost, who wouldn’t, my solution find an adult or more accurately I would have lost an adult and try to proceed finding them, it would result of tapping someone on the shoulder or shouting Dad or mum at somebody only discover it was someone else, embarrassing. Sometimes I’d be looking for a vehicle only to get into the wrong car that would look very similar, that’s happened to me about three times. I’ve lost my reading glasses a million times or more I’m sure.
In times past I felt I’d lost my faith born out of dryness, disappointment or doubt, the truth there is God knew about the feeling of being lost when he shared the parable about the woman who had lost the coin, the interesting thing about the other two parables and that one is that the people had lost something that belonged to them, something that was already in their possession I’ll let folks think about that one.
The thing is I’ve lost my way, my direction in life, but I’ve not only lost my way or direction, I’ve lost my destination, what is my destination? Is it true that having lost my way I’ve lost my destination?
Destination determines something way off in the future, as human beings we are programmed to think ahead, destination determines outcome or achievement. That notion of achievement is thought provoking, should achievement be the end game of everything we do?
My problem has always been I may have a destination but my strategy in getting there is poor, I’m not really a strategist, it’s not really my strong point. In some situations your destination can seem like an agenda and not a good one. How many of us for instance in order to arrive at our destination we try and manipulate people or circumstances in order to arrive at the most beneficial outcome to us? We may not be the only ones on that particular course of direction or destination. Athletes compete in a race for the prize they are heading the same way, their approach and strategy determines who wins, but it also determines who loses. Is life about winning and losing, or rather should life be about winning or losing?
Believe me I’ve thought a lot about some of the things I’ve wanted to do, my motives for doing them are they pure, justifiable. My search for work is difficult because I’m not the only one wanting work, so do many others, Is it arrogant to think I could be better than someone else to do a job? To be fair having a dual disability means I’m further down the food chain of desirables from an employers perspective as being the best choice.
For all the advice people give me in my life, there are no simple answers. and my problems can’t just be fixed. There’s nothing worse coming away from a conversation feeling as though that person has it all worked out and you feeling as though you don’t measure up to those standards they are inadvertently setting. To be fair I’ve done it too , come up with solutions for people when it’s not what they need at that time, when they have lost their way, or they don’t know what to do, in those circumstances all people need is empathy, a listening ear and most of all encouragement, not solutions, pat answers or questioning.
In the meantime what do I do? Well the only answer I have right now is rest, I don’t mean do nothing but not strive for answers, let go of trying to come up with solutions that are depressing which a lot of them are. Just let go of trying to work it all out.
I have to trust that somehow, somewhere or someone, will bring some light into my pathway, so I can move forward. In the meantime I stay lost.