I was sitting on a train home following a visit to my friends and I thought I saw someone I knew, only from behind, I kept wondering is it them or not, my curiosity was really strong, I was thinking I wish they would turn round then I would know for sure, I wouldn’t want the embarrassment of mistaken identity which is a common thing with Vi’s. But it got me thinking laterally about other things. my plans and dreams, I knew that I’ve got work to do once I returned home in relation to those things, but I found myself thinking specifically about the need to let go. Letting go of the fact that some of my dreams and plans may not come to fruition. The application form for a course I want to attend I may not be accepted on, this blog may not flourish, the new fb group I’ve created may not gain the momentum I want it too, my current voluntary work may not lead to anything more than it is, therefore it was time to let go. Also time to let go of not being able to be the kind of friend I want to be to some people, to let go of my expectations of others, of not being the most charismatic individual around. The list goes on.
Of course I’ve had to let go in the past sometimes I’ve been in no other position but to do so, the death of my mum in 2012, my job when in 2013 the company I worked for went bust. Believe me those were painful experiences. But this time on the train I felt these were just clear choices. The thought was in my mind does it really matter if these things never come to fruition or bear fruit. So what if I don’t get accepted on the course I want to do would it really be the end of the world? What about the relationships I have with those around me and my expectations or theirs is it such a big deal? The fact that I don’t always feel valued and understood by those around me is it really necessary that I need to explain or make myself understood and be valued?
Strangely I felt a smile spread across my face at the thought of letting go, because letting go can mean letting other good things in, there are no limits, we often think our options are limited if we let go, our fears are that if we let go nothing else will come in its place, hmmm. Does this mean I should not do what I can to make things work such as this blog and the rest, of course not, my passion for the things I have in the pipeline are still valuable, but passion fuels me to do what I do but it doesn’t rule me. So I’m left with a sense of peace about my future after all often we are afraid of the future and what it entails. I can still make effort with my relationships with the people around me without allowing what I think they need from me to control me.
I rather see my life being like a tree, a tree cannot grow new leaves without shedding some dead ones, but in the place of those leaves new shoots of life replace the dead leaves. In other words my life has stuff that’s not right or good in it those things get shaken off and new things or better things come in their place. I just have to trust that when things die or don’t work out new green shoots will form and grow and produce life and if things don’t work out it means better things are ahead or adaptations need to take place. Another analogy is the passage where Jesus talks about the seed that has to fall into the ground and die before it bears fruit. In my case I’ve seen that happen.
In Feb 2000 I got offered an opportunity to do some work for a company I wanted to work for, but it came to nothing, my then pastor mentioned that scripture I mentioned above that was already confirmation to me, I let it go. Nine months later I got offered a job at that same company and stayed there for 13 years. So letting go can be a good thing and it brings peace.
Ok so back to my original starting point. So now you maybe wondering did I get to find out if who I saw on the train was the person I thought it was? Well when the train finally pulled into my final destination , the assistant met me just at the door of the train, he walked me to the bus stop where I could wait for my bus. I’d been standing there for a few seconds then I looked to my left, walking away from me was the assistant talking to the person who I thought I recognised on the train, unfortunately again it was from behind so I have no way of knowing whether the person I saw was who I thought it was, and it could have been a different person entirely to the person I saw on the train so that will be a mystery to me and something I have let go of , so now you will have to let go of knowing who It was I thought I saw 🙂